Fate
by Aly K
Summary: It had felt good to save a child from a kidnapper, but I think it made us feel even more horrible about our inability to save Reid from one. Hotch's point of view.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This is all written from Hotch's point-of-view. I know it's extremely short but it's just the introduction so chapters will be longer after this. This is my first Criminal Minds story. Also, I've seen about five episodes and I'm not sure if everything will be right, so please tell me what you think.

**Fate**

**Prologue**

Today had been hard, harder than most days. We should have been happy, ecstatic even. We should have been coming down from the rush of catching the unsub and saving the victim, but we weren't. There was no doubt that we were relieved. We saved a life, how could we not be? That relief, however, was overshadowed by our own grief. Most days the sorrow was controllable. We could push it to the back of our minds and shoulder on, but sometimes it just became too overwhelming.

Michael Welsh had been safely returned to his parents from the clutches of a pedophile. We had come in time to stop the boy from being harmed too badly. Saving a child was always an achievement, but this time it had only served to remind us of the loss of our own 'child', our youngest.

I had always resigned myself to the fact that these people, who I was getting so close to, could be hurt, even killed in the line of duty. It was part of the job description. I knew that one day they could be there, and the next day they could be gone. But never had I thought it would be him. He had been in his fair share of dangerous positions, but I never thought he wouldn't make it out. It was impossible for me to imagine him not being around, wearing one of his trademark sweater vests and spouting off random facts like there was a book in front of his face.

We didn't know if he was dead, but maybe it would have been better if he was. Maybe then we wouldn't feel so helpless. Maybe then we would have been able to move on. It had felt good to save a child from a kidnapper, but I think it made us feel even more horrible about our inability to save Reid from one.

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	2. Coping Skills

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I really loved them. This ones a little long and I hope you all like it. **

**Thanks to my beta Irish Anor. She doesn't watch the show but reads this anyway... that's love. ; )**

**Fate**

**Chapter 1: Coping Skills**

We each found ways to blame ourselves. We should have noticed that he was gone sooner, we should have looked at the evidence closer, we should have worked harder. If we had, Reid would be with us right now, instead of God knows where having God knows what done to him. It was a thought I entertained often, but I know we did the best we could. We couldn't have handled the situation any better. It was just a fact of the job that not every case gets solved. Some slip through the crack and there's nothing we can do about it.

Work got us through those first weeks. We had all focused on finding the boy genius, rather than on the fact that he was gone. As the weeks turned to months we had to push Reid's case to the back burner and let the police handle it. By then it was becoming painfully obvious that we might not see him again. We had other cases to focus on, but what had happened had started to sink in.

Each member of the team found their own way to cope, some constructive and others not so much. We were just trying to get through the day without breaking down. It was our fear of never seeing him again coupled with the guilt of not being able to save him. We felt impotent, helpless.

Gideon took it upon himself to look after Reid's mother. He called to check up on her and wrote. On Reid's birthday Gideon went down to visit her. I always wondered how he explained her son's disappearance to her, but he never said so I never asked.

Garcia had taken Reid's kitten. We didn't even know he had one until we went through his apartment for evidence. The computer tech had jumped at the chance to take care of the baby feline. No one challenged her, although JJ looked like she wanted to.

Elle stayed to herself, trying to keep an air of indifference around her. She picked up the pieces and looked to be moving on. There were moments, though, when her wall fell away. It was during moments like finding her in the cafeteria late at night, crying into a cup of coffee that I could see that she was still hurting.

It was JJ and I who kept harassing the detectives who were given Reid's case. Neither of us knew the other was doing it until one of the detectives snapped at JJ about the FBI's nagging. Neither of us stopped afterwards either. They still receive calls from both of us.

It was a surprise to find that out of all of us, it was Morgan who had taken Reid's disappearance the hardest. He confided in me once, saying that Reid was like a little brother to him. He was the innocent one that needed protecting. Morgan felt that he had failed him in that aspect. He kept his sanity by keeping Reid's things. After a month we got rid of the apartment and Morgan put Reid's stuff into storage. He says he goes there sometimes to paw through things, trying to remember him.

The whole team joined him on Reid's birthday. It was the hardest day any of us had. Besides it being _his _day, it was also the day we believe he disappeared. It was a Friday, we had celebrated, he went home, and we didn't see him again. We were thankful that it had been a slow day, seeing as none of us felt up to working. A year. He had been in Hell for a year and we weren't doing anything about it. It was hard. And then time went on. Month's went by and it seemed like the cycle was starting all over again. I don't think any of us could have handled his birthday coming around again.

There are moments in my life that I can remember as clear as the day they happened, moments I will never forget. The day I married Haley, the day my son was born, and the day I received the most important phone call of my life.

When I was told the man on the phone was a sheriff down in Ames, Iowa. I believed it was another case. The others would not be happy. When he said he was calling about Spencer Reid every rational thought left me, including holding the phone. It took a moment for my blank mind to realize that I had dropped the only lifeline to my missing agent. After snagging it from the floor I demanded to know if he was alive, fearful of the answer. I hadn't realized how much pressure his disappearance had put on my shoulders until I heard the sheriff assure me that he was alive. He told me that Reid was in the hospital, but he was stable. I had never breathed easier in my life.

Gideon and Morgan were the only ones left after I had hung up. I had caught Morgan as he was leaving, saying simply, "They found Reid." I started off towards Gideon's office to tell him. I thought Morgan might start grilling me then and there, but he was patient. He followed me to the older agent's office and waited for me to fill both of them in together. I said that I was going down there and Morgan jumped in saying that he was too. Gideon merely nodded his head. I hadn't the heart to tell them that I couldn't take the whole team down with me.

I settled on calling JJ and Elle from the plane to tell them the good news. I also pulled rank, forbidding them to come. Someone had to stay in case we got a call. It was easier to deal with their anger from over the phone. It would have been impossible to deny Morgan and Gideon to their face. The two women calmed a little after I told them it might not be best to overwhelm Reid with all of them being present. We had no idea what he had gone through.

We had no _idea_ what he had gone through.

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	3. Waiting

**A/N: Finally! I've been trying to update this for three days but the cite was being stupid. Sorry for that. Thank you all for the amazing reviews. I'm going to try to update every day, hopefully something like this won't happen again. Hope you all enjoy the chapter.**

**Fate**

**Chapter 2: Waiting**

There's a simple form every agent fills out when they come to the FBI. An emergency contact. People can die in this line of work and we need to know who to contact if anything happens. I remember Reid's first day working for me. He came into my office after I was given this form by the people in the records department. It seemed that Reid had never filled one out. When I asked him to complete one, he replied that he couldn't. He had no family that were competent enough to deal with medical emergencies and he had no close friends. I knew that his mother was schizophrenic from his background checks, but I couldn't quite believe that he had no one else out there to care about his well-being. After some useless prodding, I put myself down. He seemed uncomfortable with the decision, but he didn't protest.

I think both of us had forgotten about it until he went missing. Suddenly I had to decide what to do with Reid's possessions and home. As time went by I had forgotten again, until I received that phone call. I was his boss, but I was also in charge of his medical decisions if he was unable to take care of them himself. I was kind of relieved. It was my acceptable excuse to go down there. Morgan and Gideon wouldn't have taken being denied by anyone. I was just lucky that I _couldn't_ be denied by anyone.

The flight there was surprisingly silent. The air was brimming with nervous energy. We couldn't wait to see him, to assure ourselves that he was really okay and that he really had been returned to us. We were excited to see him, but hesitant as well.

The sheriff hadn't gone into detail of how Reid was or how they had found him. What would we find when we got there? Would he still be our Reid? Or would his experiences over the last year and four months have changed him? We deal with the worst of what people do to other people. I couldn't help but imagine the worst. I had to be realistic. Though, no matter how he was now, we wouldn't abandon him. We'd take him back any way that he was, but it would hurt to see him damaged beyond repair by this.

The butterflies in my stomach only got more agitated as we drove to the hospital. The sheriff had sent one of his officers to take us. It was a nice gesture, but we were irritated by the fact that the officer had no new information for us. We were being kept in the dark and I didn't like it.

I was shaking by the time we got to the hospital. We were quickly taken to the sheriff who's name I really hadn't listened to when he called. I found it to be Eric Pryce when we exchanged names.

Morgan cut through the small talk by asking, more like _demanding_, to see Reid.

"I don't know where he is. I was waiting for the doctor." Pryce replied.

We all groaned in frustration. It had been so long since we'd seen our resident genius. No matter what people say, after waiting a year it would be just as hard, if not even harder waiting any more time when we so close.

We found the closest waiting room and tried to settle down. Gideon and Pryce sat calmly, although I doubt Gideon was very calm on the inside. Morgan was wearing away the cheap carpet from his pacing and I watched him as I fiddled with my sunglasses and anything else I could get my hands on..

When I started to get dizzy I stopped watching Morgan and watched clock. I watched ten more minutes crawl by. I think Morgan may have pulled out his gun had the doctor not shown up at that moment.

The older man was somber and a bolt of fear shot through my heart at what that look could mean. He looked down at the chart before looking back at us and asking, "Are you here for Spencer Reid?"

Gideon stepped up and nodded, asking in reply, "How is he?"

"I need to talk to his emergency contact... Aaron Hotchner."

"That's me." I answered.

"Will you take a walk with me, please?" By now I was thinking the worst. Why did Reid's doctor want to talk to me alone? Were there complications? Had he... died suddenly?

Morgan voiced my fears, "What happened? What's wrong?"

"I really need to speak privately with Mr. Hotchner."

"Hotch?" Morgan said, turning to me. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do, but I tried to assure him.

"It's okay. Whatever you have to say you can tell them."

The doctor shook his head, "You _really_ need to come with me."

I complied, telling Morgan and Gideon that I would talk to them when I came back. Thankfully the doctor took me to Reid's room. I didn't care what was wrong. I thought could handle it, as long as I got to see him. Laying my eyes on him for the first time in more than a year was surreal. It was like seeing a ghost. It made me realize that I never thought I was going to see him again.

My eyes took in his injuries as I half listened to the doctor explain them. The bruises and cuts on his face. "He has a concussion and five stitches in his forehead." Every minute or so his breathing would hitch. "Two broken ribs." The bright white cast around his left forearm. "A broken ulna. That's the bone on the outside of his wrist. The side his pinky's on." He looked thin, even for him. "He's slightly malnourished and dehydrated."

From there the doctor went on to say what they were going to do for him and how long he might be in the hospital, but I wasn't listening. After taking in his injuries I realized why he looked so pale. With a jolt I noticed that his hair wasn't the light brown it usually was. His skin had looked almost white compared to the bottle black his hair was now. It was a small detail and paled in comparison to his injuries, but it bothered me. It bothered me a lot. I doubt Reid had done it himself and it was horrible to think that whoever had abducted him had taken away even the simple right to choose his hair color.

As I pondered this, the doctor realized that I hadn't been listening. He called my name and said that he would get to the point. Sometimes I had nightmares about what Reid was going through. I had hoped to God that they weren't true. That they were just my imagination. I had hoped to God the doctor wouldn't say my fears were true.

God let me down.

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	4. First Looks

**A/N: Okay the cite wasn't too obnoxious this morning. Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. They're what keeps me fighting when the cite messes up. You should feel honored 'cause sometimes I feel like causing harm to the computer because of it. Anyway... Hope you enjoy this chapter and continue to tell me what you think!**

**Fate**

**Chapter 3: First Looks**

When I got back to the waiting room I BSed my way through an explanation. I told them they were left out because it was hospital policy. Morgan bought it, but I don't think Gideon did. That was okay. I was going to tell Gideon anyway. I just didn't want Morgan knowing. There was no reason for him to. It would only end up hurting both him and Reid. I'll tell Gideon later, when we're alone. He was the father figure of the team and to be honest, I wasn't sure that I could handle this on my own. I didn't know where to start.

After the brief explanation I took them to Reid's hospital room. I was thankful that he was still asleep. We needed a game plan before we spoke to him, just so none of us did or said anything that would hurt him more.

Unlike me, Morgan picked up Reid's hair right away. I could see his fists clench before he turned to Sheriff Pryce and said through his teeth, "When you get this asshole, I want a piece of him."

Gideon put a hand on the younger agent's shoulder and squeezed it, "Don't even go down that road. Let's just focus on Reid."

Morgan nodded, but still seemed to be seething. He went to Reid's bedside and sat in one of the plastic chairs. He took his time looking over our genius' pale, thin form. Seeing Reid again, with everyone else in the room, only made him look worse to me and maybe now all of us were thinking the same thing. How did he survive this?

Gideon quickly took a seat on the other side of Reid. Instead of examining the younger man, Gideon focused on his face. His eyes were soft and sad as he took hold of the hand that wasn't wrapped in a cast. As he ran a thumb over Reid's scared wrist he looked down and studied it. "He was restrained." he quietly pointed out. His eyes became even more remorseful as he took in the raw skin over the scars.

When Pryce left the room suddenly I asked the agents, "Did he tell you how they found Reid?"

Morgan nodded but stayed silent.

"The police were called to a disturbance at a residence. The neighbors thought it was a breaking and entering. It was actually Reid trying to get out. The officers realized something was wrong and brought him here." Gideon filled in.

My heart clenched painfully at the thought of the young man trying to escape. I pushed the thought away and asked, "Do they know who owned the house?"

"No, but they cleared all of the marked cars out of there and are waiting for him to come back. Reid told the officers that _he_ was at work."

Sheriff Pryce stuck his head in the door at that moment and said, "We got him."

"Who?"

"Your guy's kidnapper. Mark Sibly. They just arrested him."

Morgan got to his feet saying, "I want in on the interrogation."

I shook my head, "No. I want you to stay here with Reid. And... call Garcia. See what she can find out about Mark Sibly."

"Where are you going?"

I ignored Morgan and turned to Pryce, "Can you take me to where your men found Reid?"

He nodded.

"Gideon, come with me." I was expecting Morgan to protest more, but he didn't. Maybe he didn't want to leave Reid alone anymore than I did. I swear the kid will never leave our sight ever again if I have anything to say about it.

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	5. Home Sweet Home Part 1

**A/N: **Okay, here's the next chapter. So far there are three chapters that I'm in love with. This is the first. But please don't let that stop you from making any correction or criticisms. Enjoy!

**Fate**

**Chapter 4: Home Sweet Home (Part 1)**

The ride over to where Reid had been kept seemed to take forever. The house was on the outskirts of the city, having little to no view by the public and few neighbors. I sat in the backseat of the sheriff's vehicle watching the scenery go by, grateful that there were neighbors or else Reid may not have been found.

The house itself was ordinary. It was one story and painted blue. There was a small porch with well taken care of flower beds on either side. It looked like any other middle class home, but I shuddered as I thought of the horrors that had taken place within those walls. I couldn't even grasp what Reid had felt, the terror of being locked away, not being able to get free, not knowing if anyone would help.

Sheriff Pryce lead us around to the side of the house where I could immediately see Reid's attempts to escape. A window was shattered, but not one piece of glass had fallen out. I shot a questioning look to Pryce.

"A security company down here makes the glass. It's expensive, but damn near unbreakable. One of the marketing strategies is how much noise it makes when someone's trying to break in. I don't think Sibly planned on that working against him." Pryce explained. He motioned back towards the front of the house and said, "I'll take you all inside now."

I nodded in reply, but had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. There were times when I was hesitant to go into crime scenes, but never to this extent. Everything in me was screaming that I didn't need to see this, that I didn't _want_ to see this. However, there was the need to know. It's shameful to say, but I was curious. Most of me wanted to live in the last amount of blissful ignorance I could get from this whole situation, but part of me needed to know.

Simply put... I needed to know. I needed to know what Reid saw when he woke up every morning, realizing that he was still in Hell. I needed to see any remnant of how he passed the time. I needed to see where he ate and where he slept. I just... I needed to know. Because hopefully, it could help me to help him.

The first thing I noticed was how immaculate the place was. Besides the area near the window, the place was clean, even sterile. Everything had its place and there was no clutter or dust to speak of. From the drawers and cupboards in my view I could see that each was labeled. I heard Gideon whisper, "OCD."

We had come through the front door into a mud room, which lead into the living room where we were now. Pryce said that the officers had to bust through both doors to get to Reid. My eyes scanned the three other doors which lead out of the living room. There were triple locks on each, identical to the doors we came through.

I was slightly relieved when I saw the large television and crammed bookshelves. At least Reid had something to occupy himself. Not that I think it would have made this any more bearable for him. I heard Gideon sigh softly and my gaze followed his down to the floor. My stomach did a flip when I saw it. I shouldn't have been surprised. We knew he had been restrained, but I wasn't expecting to see it. A large metal eyehook had been bolted to the middle of the floor and a length of chain had been attached to it. A lock able clip was on the end of the chain.

I watched as Gideon took hold of the free end of the chain and drew it out to its maximum length. It couldn't have been more than a few feet. It would have allowed Reid to reach the television, the rack of DVDs next to it, and the bookshelves. I took the offensive piece of metal from Gideon and walked towards the windows. It didn't reach. "Sibly didn't chain him down today. That must be why Reid hadn't tried the windows until now," I murmured.

Gideon nodded then stated, "I wonder why he didn't take the same precautions this morning. He wouldn't have underestimated Reid. The chains, the windows. Sibly planned this down to a tee. He knew what Reid was capable of. Why did that change? What made him get sloppy all of a sudden?"

"I don't know." I replied. "I don't know." I don't think either of us really wanted to wrap our heads around this. We were too close and that made it too painful.

Against my better judgment I continued to examine the room. I picked out a bottle of water and a bag of pretzels on the coffee table. That drew my attention back to the locked doors.

"God... he treated him like a puppy." The words should have caused me outrage, but all I could muster was sadness and mild disgust. At Gideon's inquisitive look, I motioned towards the table, "Reid couldn't get to the kitchen. All of the doors are locked. Sibly must have fed him in the morning, chained him up, and left him a _snack_ before he went to work. The same thing with the bathroom!"

By now I'd worked myself up to anger. Anger at Sibly for taking my genius and anger at my team for not being able to find him, for leaving him here, chained to the floor. I could hear Gideon telling me to calm down, to breathe, but I didn't want to listen. How could we have left him here? How did he survive this?

I could feel a hand on my shoulder and I heard Gideon whisper to go outside and get some air. He gently pushed me through the doors and onto the porch where I sat down heavily on the steps. I put my face in my hands and I broke down. I cried for Reid and this whole messed up situation. I cried, and I didn't care who saw.

Gideon's hand never left my shoulder, just moved down to pat my back. I was never one to let myself receive this kind of attention and Gideon was rarely one to give it, but I didn't care. I had never let myself lose it after Reid disappeared, choosing to deny that we wouldn't see him again. Now I wish I had. Maybe then it wouldn't have all built up until I was left crying on the steps of a crime scene in Iowa. I would be embarrassed by this later, but for now I'm sure it's what I need.

After I had regained most of my composure I asked how we had let this happen.

Gideon's voice was gruff in a tough love sort of way, "We didn't _let_ this happen. We had no control over this."

"We should have found him."

"We did everything we could."

"It wasn't enough."

"It can't always _be_ enough, Hotch. You know that."

I nodded, knowing he was right, but feeling miserable about it anyway.

I figured now was as good a time as any to tell him what the doctor had told me. No matter when or where I told Gideon it wouldn't make the news any better, and I needed to get it off my chest.

"Gideon."

"Yeah?"

"When... when I told you Reid's doctor only wanted to talk to me because it was hospital policy... I lied." He stayed silent, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. So I continued, telling him everything I had been told, waiting to see how he would react.

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	6. Home Sweet Home Part 2

**Fate**

**Chapter 5: Home Sweet Home (Part 2)**

Gideon was quiet, but I wasn't quite sure what that meant. He wasn't usually the type to show his emotions and rarely had I seen him do it. I was hoping for him to talk to me, to let me know what he was thinking, but he didn't. Instead he got to his feet and asked if I was ready to go back in.

"Gideon, talk to me. I need to-" I started.

"I can't. I just..." He pursed his lips and looked away. When he looked back he said, "I can't. Not right now."

I nodded, understanding, but disappointed. I didn't realize until telling him that I really needed to talk to someone about this. With the hope that he would talk to me soon, I stood and started back into the house.

While we were out on the porch, the sheriff had been working on getting the last three doors unlocked. The first two lead into the kitchen and bathroom. Upon a cursory glance, there appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary about them. Next we moved into the last room. It was small bedroom that three of us crowded into. There was a bed, a dresser, two small tables, and an unlocked door which I assumed was a closet.

"There's only one bed."

A lump formed in my throat as I heard the sheriff's quiet statement. I could see another eyehook drilled into the headboard, which left no doubt in my mind that Reid had spent time in here. Gideon drew my attention to a group of photographs on one of the tables. Every one of them contained Reid.

The first few I recognized from before he was kidnapped. There was one that Elle had taken on his twenty-fourth birthday. It showed him trying to blow out the trick candles on the cake. Another was of him sleeping on the jet. He was curled up like a cat with an open book laying on his chest. My heart ached, wondering if we would ever be able catch him in these careless poses again.

"He must have taken these first ones when he took Reid." I muttered, waving my hand at the small group of photos.

My gaze moved on to the next cluster of images. In them Reid's face showed a mixture of fear, annoyance, despair, and frustration. I noticed the background in these pictures was either the living room or the bedroom. Some were far enough away to see the handcuffs that incased his wrists. I could tell these ones hadn't all been taken at the same time because of the different bruises and cuts on his face and neck. In half of the photos his hair was brown, in the other half it was black. In the one that intrigued me the most Reid held a look of confusion on his face and a fuzzy orange kitten in his lap.

I pointed this one out to Sheriff Pryce, "Is there a cat here?"

He looked at the picture before looking back at me and shaking his head.

"Did you see anything that might suggest there was a cat here?" I asked next.

"Let me go check."

When Pryce left, I looked at Gideon and said, "Do you think he was replacing Reid's cat with this one? Maybe... as a present?"

"Maybe. That's not really the one that concerns me though." He replied, motioning to the last picture.

The black hair and bruises were carried over from the other's, but that was just background noise to me now. What grabbed my attention was the curve of Reid's lips. He was smiling. If I hadn't known him better I would swear he looked happy, but I've seen Reid happy and this wasn't it. It looked more like when he was telling one of us he was fine when he really wasn't. It was a smile put on for show.

Pryce re-entered the room saying, "I found a couple of bowls and about half a bag of food, but they were in a cupboard. No litter box." He focused on the photo we were looking at, "Is he smilin'? Why would he be doin' that?"

I shook my head, "I don't know." I looked to the other table, finding a lamp, an alarm clock, a bottle of water, and to my dismay a video camera. I made my way to the table and picked it up, showing it to Gideon and Pryce. Gideon sighed, his eyes showing the same thing I was feeling. Seeing this place and seeing Reid were different compared to seeing what was going on in living color. I didn't want to watch it, but knew I had to. The sick curiosity was back in full force. I had to know what Sibly thought he had to tape.

I handed the camera over to Pryce and said, "I think we're done here."

He nodded, "I'll give you a ride back to the hospital."

"I appreciate that. I just want to check in with Morgan, but I want to watch that tape with you."

"Are you sure you want to see this. Maybe I should watch it first. Then tell you if... well, to be honest... if you can handle it."

"I can handle it."

"I just want to make sure-"

"I can handle it."

He nodded and motioned for us to go out to the car. I looked to Gideon to tell him that he didn't have to come with me to watch the tape, but he shook his head, cutting me off. Maybe he needed to see this as much as I did, just to know what had been done to our boy.

**A/N: There it was people. Tell me what you think.**


	7. Prelude to Movie Night

**Fate**

**Chapter 6: Prelude to Movie Night**

When we arrived at the hospital, Sheriff Pryce went to find the doctor. He wanted a report on Reid's injuries. Gideon and I headed for the man in question. He was asleep and I felt a pang of disappointment over it. At first I had been relieved, but now I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to know that we were here for him.

Morgan sat in one of the chairs with his feet propped up on the bed. He was flipping through channels on the muted tv. He didn't acknowledge us and I could tell that he was lost in thought.

I could see him jump in surprise when I spoke, "How is he?"

He took his feet off of the bed and turned in the chair to look at us, "I... I don't really know." He rubbed a hand over his tired face, "He woke up for a bit."

"He did?"

"Yeah. He was kind of out of it. He asked me if this was real, if I was real. He passed out after that." Morgan told us quietly.

I looked back at the sleeping man and sighed. It shouldn't have surprised me that he wasn't lucid, the doctor had told me he would try to keep Reid sedated for a while. My throat became suspiciously tight and I cleared it before saying, "We just came to check in. There's one more thing we've got to take care of and then we'll be back."

"You guys going to keep me out of the loop on this one?"

I knew there would be more fight in him about this. "Trust me, you don't want to be in the loop on this one. Just focus on Reid, the future. Not what's in the past."

"Yeah. That's what matters, right?" He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Right." I nodded.

We spent a few more minutes watching Reid in silence. Sometimes he would move in his sleep, and mumble something none of us could catch. Morgan's hand was latched onto his and at times he would whisper soothing words to the younger man. The assurance that someone was there seemed to calm Reid.

The doctor came back with Sheriff Pryce and we watched for a moment while he checked on Reid and wrote something on his chart. He smiled at us before leaving. I told Morgan we would be back soon and left as well, Gideon and Pryce following behind me.

Once again I found myself in the sheriff's backseat, but this time I was staring at the plastic encased video camera sitting on the seat next to me. We were waiting until we got to the sheriff's department to watch it. I've seen a lot of terrible things during my career, and I couldn't help but pull those images into my mind when I thought about what might be on that tape.

I started to reconsider Pryce's offer to watch the tape first. It was bad enough knowing what had happened to the boy genius, but did I really want to see it occur? How would that help any of us? Reid would only be embarrassed that we had seen. He's always been such a private person and for us to see him stripped of that privacy would hurt. It would be taking the control out of his hands all over again. Not to mention what it would do to our already high guilt levels.

While it would be a lot easier for the sheriff to screen it for us first, I couldn't do that. I needed to know as much as I could about what happened. It might be a while before he opens up to any of us and I don't want to be surprised. If I know about it ahead of time I can react and get it over with. I don't want Reid to witness my despair, surprise, disgust, or any of the other emotions I'm sure I'll be feeling. I want to shield him as much as I possibly can.

The sheriff lead us to his office before leaving again. He came back with a tv cart and shut the door behind him. He asked Gideon to close the blinds before asking me for the video camera. I hadn't even realized I was tightly clutching it in my hands. I handed it over slowly and watched as Pryce hooked it up to the television and plugged it in, saying something about the battery being dead.

My heart was thumping wildly and I thought I might be sick when Pryce turned the tv on. He looked back at me and said, "You can take a seat." He paused for a moment before saying, "Are you sure you want to see this?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. I sat down in one of the visitor's chairs and barely acknowledged Gideon as he sat beside me. He patted my arm and I nodded, not knowing why, just feeling like I should.

I didn't want to watch this.

**Please review!**


	8. Movie Night

**A/N:** Here it is folks. This is probably my favorite chapter so far. If I did my job right, this will get some sort of reaction from you. A little warning, my beta used the word 'tragic' twice after reading this. Enjoy!

**Fate**

**Chapter 7: Movie Night**

The picture was shaky in the beginning, as most home videos are. I know I've made videos of my son that start out much the same way. Now I'm sickened that I just compared myself to this... I'm not quite sure what I want to call him. He's not a human being to me.

The focus is centered on Reid. I can see no injuries, but his hair is black. He has handcuffs around his wrists, but there is no chain attached to the handcuffs. He's sitting Indian style on the couch with his legs folded underneath him. There's an open book in his lap and I notice that the handcuffs don't seem to get in his way at all, like he's used to them. I idly wonder what book has captured his attention to the point that he hasn't noticed the camera or its holder yet.

I can hear, who I assume is Sibly, clear his throat to get Reid's attention. I see him look up quickly and eye the camera with confusion. I can't help but smile as I look at his open mouth. I've seen that look before, when he's trying to concentrate on solving some puzzle. I've missed that look. He closes his mouth quickly and his face goes blank. Seconds later he smiles. It happened so fast, I think only Gideon and I caught it. Finally I think I know what Reid's doing and it makes me want to cry again.

On the television screen Reid cocks his head to the side and asks, "What's that?" He never loses the smile.

"What does it look like?" Sibly says from behind the camera. The screen shakes again and moves closer to Reid.

"A camera." He pauses for a moment, "Where did it come from?"

"I bought it."

"Why."

"I've always had this fantasy. I thought we could try this out tonight... " I grip the arm of the chair as Sibly leaves the comment hanging.

Reid swallows hard, "I um... I'm not really feeling that great today. I think I might be coming down with something... I'm sorry." He whispers the last part submissively, staring at the floor and I think I feel my heart breaking.

"Okay, well... I want you to feel up to it, so I guess... we can wait." Sibly's voice has gone flat with disappointment. I feel a swell of satisfaction that Reid was able to shoot the bastard down. The feeling fades quickly.

Reid looks back at the camera with a face I can only describe as flirtatious and says, "Tomorrow?"

Sibly laughs and repeats, "Tomorrow."

The camera dips low, just managing to keep Reid's head in the top left corner. I see Reid's face fall and I can only assume that Sibly has turned away from him. I can see the stress and despair written clearly on his face now that he isn't required to hold up the facade. That is the last I see of him before the view of the camera falls all the way to the floor and Sibly moves out of the room. I can hear him talking about work, some desk job. I don't really care.

"Reid was playing him." Gideon states quietly. I nod, glad we're thinking alike.

"Why?" Sheriff Pryce asks, not on the same page as us.

"Gain his trust. Sibly is the type you have to catch unaware. He's cautious, but if you give him what he wants he'll become complacent. He'll get comfortable and let down his guard. He'll figure that he's gotten what he wants and he has nothing else to worry about." I explain. For the first time I feel slightly detached. This is what do best and I'm glad to have the information.

"And what he wanted was Agent Reid?"

"He wanted Reid to like him. Look where they lived. He got books for Reid, there were framed picture, they slept in the same bed. Sibly tried to make a home for them. It was like a love affair, but one that Reid didn't want to be a part of. Once Reid changed his mind, Sibly could stop working on it and focus on the _rest of their lives together._" I said the last bitterly.

Before either of the two men could reply the screen went black, before showing Reid's face again. It was closer to the screen than before. I could tell he was holding the camera and I don't believe he knew it was on. There was a mixture of boredom and curious mischief on his face. It was another look I'd seen on him before. He was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing.

Things like that had happened often when we had no work, but were stuck in the office anyway. Those were times when he and Morgan would bond, trying to find ways to relieve their restlessness. I usually had paranoid feelings of dread when that would happen. With Reid's brain and Morgan's boldness anything was possible. They could get into a lot of trouble together.

The dread I felt now was anything but playful. I didn't want him to be doing anything that he wasn't supposed to. Even though Sibly loved Reid in his own messed up way, it was obvious from the pictures we had found that he was violent towards him. In the pit of my stomach I felt that Sibly would come in and find Reid, then punish him for doing something he didn't like. I didn't want to see that.

Reid jumped and put the camera down quickly when the door banged open. It closed with just as much force and then Sibly came into view. It was the first time I had seen him and I was stricken by his familiarity. I'd seen him before. I was sure of it.

"Get up!" He barked. He swayed on his feet, and taking in his disheveled appearance, I'm sure he was inebriated.

Reid complied quickly, standing in front of him without saying a word. I gasped as Sibly backhanded him as soon as he got there. Reid fell back out of view but wasted no time returning to his position. He whispered, "I'm sorry." I don't think he knew why.

"Shut up! This is all your fault!" My anger bubbled up as he hit my genius again, this time splitting his lip.

Reid stood still, with his shoulders slightly hunched. He stared at the ground as Sibly continued to rant. He yelled about losing his job because he spent so much time at home with Reid and when he was at work all he thought about was Reid and how he didn't know how he would take care of Reid in two weeks because they wouldn't have an income anymore.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." Reid whispered again. Apologizing must have worked for him some other time, but not this one. It seemed to only make Sibly angrier.

Gideon watched with a hand covering his mouth and a silent tear tracked down my cheek as Sibly started in on Reid. Most of the attack happened off screen, but we could hear every impact and muffled groan that sounded out.

After what seemed like an eternity, the abuse stopped. There was a dragging noise and then the rattle of a chain, before one pair of footsteps left the room. I could hear Reid's harsh panting off screen and I had to focus hard to control my own breathing.

Between then and the death of the battery, there was no more movement onscreen, and the only sounds to be heard were the chains and, occasionally, Reid's soft whimpers.

**Please give me some feedback!**


	9. Sacrifice

**A/N: Sorry about the wait and I will apologize in advance because the next chapter won't be up for a few days either. My brother came up from out of state, so I'm spending some time with him. Hope you like this chapter, it's a little short, but oh well. The next one is longer. Enjoy!**

**Fate**

**Chapter 8: Sacrifice**

I stood outside the sheriff's department, trying to get my bearings. There was a light breeze, but I wish it were storming. I wanted nature to reflect what I was feeling inside. I wanted to feel small in it's rage, just so I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed with my own.

I try not to wonder how many times Reid suffered Sibly's anger. How many times did this man get frustrated and take it out on my agent? How many slaps did Reid get for expired milk or bad weather? How many times did he just stand back and take it, hoping his compliance would get him one step closer to freedom? Because he realized, we weren't coming for him.

When did he realize he was alone? When did he realize that he had to take matters into his own hands, the only way he knew how? How much of his soul did he sacrifice for this?

I heard the door behind me open and turned to see Gideon and an officer I'd never seen. As Gideon passed by me he said, "We're going back to the hospital." There was no hint of comfort in his voice, and I didn't expect any. Now he was dealing with his own pain. He had no room for mine.

The officer drove us back, saying the sheriff was starting in on the case. Beyond that no one spoke. The ride was tense and I was relieved when it was over, until I got up to the floor Reid's room was on. It was terrible, but I didn't know if I could face him without wanting to throw up at my overwhelming failure to protect him. He was _my _agent. I was supposed to protect him. Seconds later, I had to wince at calling him mine. He didn't belong to anyone. I couldn't help but tear myself apart for thinking that, even though I know I hadn't meant it as controlling. Still, just to be safe...

The door was open, but Gideon had stopped in the threshold. I looked over his shoulder to see Morgan standing by the windows, talking quietly into his cell phone. He had a strange look on his face, but his voice was calm as he said, "Yeah, thanks sweetheart. I will. Bye."

"Who was that?" Gideon asked, walking further into the room. He kept his voice low as he spoke with Morgan over Reid's bed.

"Garcia." He answered, tapping out some beat with his cell phone into his palm. The way he was staring at his hands gave me a bad feeling. Before I could ask what she had told him, he continued, "She got that info on Sibly that you asked for, Hotch. He used to work at the BAU."

"What?" This guy worked for me?

"He was a night janitor. Put in his notice two weeks before Reid disappeared." Morgan said flatly.

I knew Sibly had looked familiar, if only a little. I must have passed by him hundreds of times, never giving him a second glance. Reid use to stay late a lot, and I can imagine Sibly in the background as I tell Reid to go home. It happened often enough and there were always one or two other people bustling around. This man had taken an interest in Reid and was able to snatch him from right under our noses. If that didn't prod and poke at my guilt even more...

"Didn't he get evaluated or something? You'd think a guy capable of stalking and kidnaping would have raised some red flags." Morgan stated, looking at us with desperate eyes.

"He was a janitor, Morgan. He took out our garbage. The FBI doesn't spend time and money evaluating those kind of people." Gideon replied bitterly.

"Well, they're going to start. If anyone has access to us or our cases, they're getting checked. We're not going to have a repeat of this." I stated. I sat down in one of the plastic chairs and examined the bed's occupant. It's too bad that Reid had be the example for this lesson.

Morgan rubbed a hand over his face. I remember him doing that when we first came into this room. It seemed like forever ago. "I'm gonna go get some coffee. You guys want any?"

"No." I answered. Gideon settled for shaking his head.

As Morgan got to the door he turned back, "Crap. Nobody called Elle or JJ."

"I'll do it." Gideon said, taking out his cell phone and leaving the room. I twisted around to watch him go, wondering why he was in such a hurry to leave again. We just got here. I looked at Morgan, who gave me a half-hearted shrug in reply, before leaving himself. I stayed in that position for a few moments, just watching the empty doorway.

When I turned back, I jumped in surprise, which made the person starring at me flinch.

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	10. It's Over

**Fate**

**Chapter 9: It's Over**

Large expressive eyes stared at me from the hospital bed. I froze. Even though I had wanted Reid to wake up, I wasn't prepared for him to. What was I supposed to say? After everything he had been through, what could I possibly do to comfort him? I couldn't tell him that everything would be okay, because I didn't know that it would be. I didn't have any of the answers that I so desperately needed. The answers that we all needed.

"Hotch?" The young man before me asked. The sound of his raspy voice jolted me from my thoughts. The long-term plans didn't matter right now. My priority was showing him that we were here and he was safe.

I smiled and leaned forward so we were eye level. I kept my tone soft, "Hey."

He examined me for a moment before replying, "Hey."

"How're you doin'?"

He didn't answer. I watched his eyes slowly travel around the room before coming back to rest on me. "Was Morgan here?"

I nodded, "He's getting coffee. Gideon's here too. He went to call Elle and JJ. They wanted to be here, but I made them stay in Quantico. They'll be there when we get back home."

"They're in Quantico?" Reid paused, "Where are we?" He looked around the hospital room again, perhaps thinking it would give him a clue to our location.

"Ames, Iowa."

"... oh."

"We got Sibly." I blurted out, not knowing what else to say. Maybe I thought it would offer him a small amount of comfort.

He turned confused eyes to me, "Who?"

"Sibly."

"I... I don't know who... who is that?"

"Mark Sibly."

Recognition flooded his face as blood flowed out. His silence and white face almost had me calling the nurse, but then he whispered, "Oh."

I waited a few moments for him to speak again, but it didn't happen. "Reid?"

"Yeah, I... I didn't know his last name." he told me. I watched him as he bit down hard on his lower lip. I was afraid he'd draw blood, but I didn't know how to tell him to stop. I had a sick feeling that most of his recovery would consist of him unconsciously hurting himself in small ways like this.

Reid sighed and rubbed his hand, the one not in a cast, over his eyes. "Could you ask the doctors to stop..." He paused, licking his lips, "... whatever they're giving me?"

"What they're giving you?"

"Drugs. No more drugs." He scrubbed at his eyes again and I could see him failing in his struggle to stay awake.

"I'll tell them. You should get some rest. We'll be here when you wake up."

As Reid's eyelids started to flutter, he whispered, "It's over."

I felt a desperate need to assure him. One of my hands clutched at his while the other rested on his forehead. I leaned closer and quietly told him that it was over, that he was safe. I kept murmuring these words, even after his breathing slowed and his hand relaxed in mine.

I'm not a person easily moved to tears, but this young man had me wanting to find a dark room or a back door where I could sit down and sob. I wanted to cry until I drowned.

I shouldn't have gotten so close to him, to any of them. Getting close to anyone in this kind of work would only get you hurt. I wanted to shut myself off from them. I had a real family and friends outside of this. I wanted to tell myself that I didn't need them and it would be better for everyone if we relaxed the ties we had to each other. I wanted to believe that, but I couldn't. I don't think any of us could willingly walk away from each other, especially now.

Morgan appeared soon after Reid fell asleep. Even though I hadn't asked for it, he brought me coffee anyway. I was grateful. I swirled it around, trying to lose myself in the dark ripples. I took a sip, relishing in the way it burned my tongue. I took another sip, then said, "He woke up for a few minutes while you were gone."

"Yeah? How was he?" Morgan asked, perking up.

"Lucid enough, but definitely not up to par. Had trouble getting his thoughts together."

Morgan nodded, probably remembering how Reid was when he first woke up. We sat in silence for a few moments until Gideon came back in. I let Morgan recount everything that I had told him.

"If you guys see the doctor before I do, tell him to stop sedating Reid."

"Why?"

"He asked me to."

Gideon nodded, "Okay."

The room was silent again. We just sat, watching Reid's chest rise and fall. His soft wheezing was making me anxious. I hadn't noticed it before, but now it was like nails on a chalkboard and I wasn't sure if I could listen to it much longer.

Gideon must have been reading my mind, "We need to find some place to stay. Why don't you two look for a motel or something. Then get some sleep. You both look like crap. I'll stay with him."

Morgan snorted at the older man's jab, but headed for the door. I stood up to follow, letting my eyes rest on Reid for moment. "Call if anything comes up."

"I will."

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	11. Insight

**A/N: **Sorry about the wait. This one took me forever to get out. Does anyone know what Hotch's son is named. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me. Thanks!

**Fate**

**Chapter 10: Insight**

We found a motel close to the hospital and got two adjoining rooms with two beds each. While I took one room Morgan took the other. I only slept for a few hours, before needing to get up and move around. Maybe it was the coffee I drank earlier or the fact that I wasn't used to sleeping in the middle of the day. Maybe I needed to eat something... or maybe it was something else entirely.

I peeked in on Morgan and, much to my envy, found him snoring softly into his pillow. I quickly wrote a note, telling him that I had gone back to the hospital. I figured I could at least give Gideon the chance at some rest. I grabbed a donut and another cup of coffee, before heading to see Reid.

Gideon sat in a chair by the bed, writing in a notebook. He looked to be ignoring Reid, and I wonder if he realized that the younger man was awake.

I watched Reid's long fingers play with a thread from the blue hospital blanket. He paused to tuck black locks of hair behind his ear before returning to the unraveling blanket. He glanced up at the quiet tv and immediately noticed me standing in the doorway. While the small smile he gave me was somewhat forced, I was happy to note that his eyes weren't as clouded and he was more alert. "Hey." His voice was clearer as well.

Gideon looked up, but went back to his work when he saw that it was me.

"What are you guys up to?" I asked, coming farther into the room.

"Gideon was telling me about your last case."

"Oh yeah?" I asked sitting on the edge of the bed. "Is there anything you would have done differently?"

Reid shook his head slightly, returning his attention to the blanket.

Gideon cleared his throat. He didn't look up, but said the words to his notebook, "His first thought was the volunteer group. Would've solved the case a lot faster."

"No extra lives were lost, so it really doesn't matter." Reid murmured into his lap. That sounded like our Reid, always doubting his own worth.

"Yeah, guess not." Gideon said with a sigh. He looked up and gave me an inquisitive look. "What are you doing here?" I got the feeling that we had put too much attention on the younger man and now Gideon was trying to direct it away from him.

"I wasn't really tired. Thought you might want to go back to the motel and get some shut-eye." The first part was a lie, but I wasn't about to say what was really wrong in front of Reid. There was no reason for him to know that I was so worked up over him, that I couldn't sleep.

Gideon watched me for a moment, before rubbing a hand over the lower part of his face and saying, "Okay." He closed his notebook and got to his feet, pausing to look at Reid. "I'll see you later today."

The tight smile that Reid had offered me when I came in returned as he spoke, "Yeah."

I followed Gideon into the hall and quietly asked how Reid had been before I got there.

The older agent's eyes darkened with sorrow as they drifted to the open doorway we had just exited. He sighed, "It took him a few moments to get his bearings together when he woke up. After that he was... normal, I guess."

"Normal?"

He shrugged, "He acted like Reid."

I nodded. I could tell he wanted to elaborate, but for some reason he chose to stay silent. I had a nagging feeling, but like Gideon, I kept it to myself. I handed him the key to the motel and to the rental car we had picked up, before telling him where to go.

Gideon made to leave, but turned back. He squeezed my shoulder, "He'll be okay."

My throat tightened painfully as I nodded again. I watched Gideon walk to the elevators and get in one. Taking a deep breath, I returned to Reid's room. A nurse followed me in and I quickly stepped to the side, getting out of her way.

I listened to her ask Reid a series of questions ranging from the pain medication to his breathing. He answered that he was fine to all of them. As the nurse was leaving Reid shifted, trying to sit up against the pillows. I couldn't help but wince at his pained gasp. I wondered what was wrong until his hand went to his hip.

"Is that bothering you, hun? I know it's a little bruised up." The nurse asked sweetly. She ignored Reid's 'I'm fine' and moved to run her hands along his hip bone. She was too close to see his eyes go wide.

I moved to step in, but Reid didn't wait for me. "It... it's fine, really. I'm okay." he said, taking her hands in his and moving them away.

"It may have been sprained. I need to take a look." Her sweet tone had been replaced with a firm, no nonsense one. Much to my chagrin it took on a slightly patronizing tone as well. She was talking to him like he was a disobedient child, and no one could call him a kid but us, the people who actually cared about him.

I cleared my throat, making both of their eyes meet mine. I made my voice sound as commanding as I could, "If he says he's fine, then he's fine. We'll call if it starts bothering him. Thank you."

The nurse's hands, which had been poised over Reid's hips, withdrew to her side. She straightened her back and squared her shoulders before nodding and quickly leaving the room.

"You okay?" I asked softly.

He nodded once, but wouldn't look at me anymore. Both of his hand were now covering his hip, gently rubbing at it, like her touch had burned.

I reached my hand out to grasp Reid's shoulder, but paused, thinking that he would react the same way as he had to the nurse.

He caught my movements and looked up at me with a questioning gaze. He looked slightly embarrassed as he returned his attention to his lap. "I... it's just that... " He sighed, looking frustrated because he couldn't get the words out.

"It's okay. You don't have to-" I started.

"No, I..." Reid took a deep breath before continuing, "_He_ used to... hold on to my hips. All the time. I-I don't know why." He finished rubbing at his eyes.

My hand closed the distance between us, squeezing his shoulder gently. I tried to portray comfort and understanding as my mind raced.

There's only one reason for someone to hold onto another. Control. You know when you see a man with his arm around a woman's shoulder or waist, she's his. What reason would Sibly have to do that? Who was he showing off to? Was it to remind himself of what he had, or to remind Reid of who was in charge?

It was odd how such a small detail had me feeling so sick. It suddenly opened my eyes to the things victims go through, that as a cop, hold no importance to me. I've seen many victims, but I have never been around long enough to see the aftermath. Now I'm getting that chance.

**Please review!**


	12. Chocolate

Fate

**Fate**

**Chapter 11: Chocolate**

It didn't take long for Reid to recover from the nurses early intrusion into his personal space. He had stopped staring into space and returned to playing with the blanket threads. At first, I wondered what had him so fascinated with the fraying edges of the blanket, but soon found myself mesmerized with the way his long fingers moved in and out, twining themselves in the blue thread.

We sat in silence for some time, before filling the room with the sound of the television. I found some black and white horror movie, which Reid shrugged at with approval. I think we both found it mildly interesting, letting it amuse us as the time passed.

Our attention shifted from the movie as another nurse came in with a tray. She set it on the small table and slid it over the bed, before removing the cover and leaving. I held back a bemused scoff at the fact that she didn't acknowledge either of us. So much for _her_ bedside manner.

Reid watched the nurse make her exit, before eyeing the food she had left. His gaze remained there for a few moments before they lifted up towards the television again. I thought he would return to it, but soon realized he wasn't going to eat it any time soon.

"You're not hungry?"

"No."

"'Cause it's hospital food?"

A ghost of a smile played across his lips. A few minutes went by in silence. I wasn't going to nag. Why not let him be in control for once. It was my turn to smile at his next statement, "I'd kill for chocolate."

"I think I can take care of that for you."

He turned his head quickly to look at me, "Really?"

"Yeah. I'll have to be careful, but I think I can pull one over on the nurses. Mind you, there'll be hell to pay if I get caught. They're very observant, so I make no promises." That wasn't true. Come hell or high water he was getting his chocolate.

It took me a few moments to locate a vending machine, but when I did find it, I wasn't sure what to get him. I've never really seen him eat junk food before, so I had no idea what he liked. Maybe Morgan would know. He picked up on the second ring.

"Morgan, I have a question."

"What do you need?" His voice sounded a bit groggy, but mostly alert. It sounded as if I woke him up, but I doubt he'd mind.

"I'm on a chocolate hunt for Reid and I have no idea what to get him."

"Um... he likes caramel."

"There's Carmellos. What else?"

"Is there anything with nuts?"

"Yeah."

"Get him that too. Anything else?"

"No, I think that's good. Thanks Morgan."

"Yeah, I'm happy I could help."

"I'll call you two later, okay?"

"Okay. Say hey to Reid for me."

"Sure. Bye."

"See ya."

I bought two of the Carmellos and two Nutrageous bars and made my way back to Reid.

"You made it?"

"Just barely. Thought I was a goner a few times, though." I said with a smile. I handed him the candy and continued, "Got some extra. You can stash it under your pillow for later, but if the nurses find it I was never here."

My small joke was lost on him. "Thank you." Reid whispered. He was cradling the candy close to his chest, looking like he thought it would be snatched away at any moment. We sat in silence for a bit, while he peeled open one of the bars.

"How long has it been since you've had any?" I knew those words were a mistake the moment they left my mouth. It was too soon for me to be asking questions. I should have waited for him to tell me on his own, like he had when the nurse had touched his hip.

I thought he would clam up and shut me out, but to my surprise he didn't. He fiddled with the chocolate bar for a moment and then said, "Before all of _this _happened. Mar... Sibly was kind of a... a health nut, I guess. No soda, no coffee, no candy." He chuckled humorlessly, "Hellish, right?"

My breath caught in my throat hearing him talk like that. It couldn't be healthy for him to be using sarcasm about this. I cursed myself as he put the barely touched chocolate to the side and sat back against the pillows with a small sigh. He was actually talking to me and I screwed it up with one thoughtless question.

Again we sat in silence. I felt a desperate need to fix this, but I didn't know what to say or do. To my surprise he recovered quickly, just as before. I didn't even get the chance to think of something to say, when he spoke up, asking me how Haley and Jack were.

I wasn't expecting him to want a conversation, but hid it the best I could. "They're good. Jack's getting big. He's turned into a little hellion." I said with a laugh.

"Oh yeah?" He asked, an amused look coming onto his face. He seemed generally interested.

Thinking that he wanted to take his mind off of Sibly and what had happened I answered, "Oh yeah." I continued on with harrowing stories of Jack's first steps and events such as locking himself in the car with Haley outside of it.

To my happiness, Reid's demeanor seemed to lighten while he listened to the stories. Even though it was only for this moment, and it did nothing to make what had happened over the last year and a half go away, it was worth it. Hopefully, hearing about the people who cared would help him heal.

A/N: Just have to say that I'm a whore for carmellos and nutrageous bars! Lol. Hope you enjoyed. Please review!


	13. Departure

**A/N: I sincerely apologize for the wait. I hit a snag and I'm blaming it on the horrible glasses Reid wears now. They make me want to curl up into the fetal position and cry. They're gross, but I'll get over it. **

**P.S. I know this chapter is short. There was supposed to be more, but I wanted to get it out to you as soon as I could. I'll warn you it hasn't been beta'd yet, so there might be some mistakes, but when I get it back I'll fix them. Hope you enjoy it. **

**Fate**

**Chapter 12: Departure**

Some time later I was sitting in the hospital cafeteria, eating a sandwich and sipping tepid coffee. I figured Reid could use some time to himself. Morgan and Gideon hadn't come yet so I sat alone. I used the time to think about where we were going from here. Reid was being released after he ate, but we really hadn't planned for it yet. There were a lot of loose ends that I didn't want Reid to have to deal with.

But I was tired. I couldn't deny that. Little sleep and too much emotion had taken its toll on me. It seemed like years had passed since I got that call from Sheriff Price. All I wanted to do was lay down and forget the world for a few hours...

I think I may have zoned, starring into my coffee, imagining blissful sleep in my own bed beside Haley. Morgan and Gideon's arrival pulled me back into reality. Seeing them made me realize that I was being selfish. We need to focus on Reid; I could sleep later.

I waited for them to get something to eat before asking about what we were going to do. How long were we staying in town? We'd have to consider the investigation and the young man's health before we traveled. Where was Reid staying when we did get back to Quantico? We'd gotten rid of his apartment and we definitely weren't leaving him alone in some hotel room. We didn't even have cloths for him to wear out of the hospital.

I was pleasantly surprised when Morgan said they had already taken care of one of the problems. I hadn't noticed the shopping bag or shoe box until he put them up onto the table. I felt a strong swell of pride. We were closing ranks to help one of our own. While the cause was anything but pleasant, it made me feel good for us to come together.

We talked for a little while longer, doing our best to tie up the loose ends. There were still a few details for us to work out, but we thought it was about time to get back to Reid.

The nurse who had brought Reid dinner was back in the room. She was chatting about the weather as she removed the IV line from his forearm and hand. She seemed oblivious to the scowl on Reid's face.

As the nurse gathered the used medical supplies she turned to us. "The doctor will be here shortly. He'll explain the medication and how to handle the injuries. Spencer's just a little underweight for his height and age, so he'll also be giving you a nutrition guide." She turned to Reid and smiled sweetly, "Someone will have to make sure he follows it."

I ignore the urge to tell her that Reid has always been thin as I watch the young man's frown deepen. I could tell that Morgan and Gideon were just as curious about the exchange, but they also refrained from asking about it.

I heard Gideon thank her as she prepared to leave.

She hadn't been out the door for more than a few moments before Reid spit out, "Nazi."

My eyes grew wide and I could hear Morgan trying to choke back a laugh. I don't think we've ever heard anything like that come out of the young agents mouth.

I felt an amused sort of sympathy as Reid gave us a miserable look.

Morgan seemed to take pity on him as well. A serious look came over his face and he asked sincerely, "You ready to get out of here?"

Reid nodded tiredly, but some light seemed to come back into his eyes. I know it'll do him good to get out of here. It's too open, and too public for him.

"Here." Morgan said, putting the cloths and shoes on the bed next to Reid's legs. "We'll give you a few minutes."

"Thanks." Reid whispered, his eyes never leaving Morgan's offering.

After going into the hall and pulling the door closed behind us, Morgan stated, "He seems like he's doin' good."

I leaned against the wall wearily and sighed. I wanted nothing more than for Reid to have as painless a recovery as possible, but something was still nagging at me. "I don't think it's hit him yet."

"He could be doing a lot worse, Hotch." Gideon said.

I nodded. I've been on the job long enough to know what being a victim of crimes like this does to a person. Really, we're just lucky that the kid is talking to us.

"We just need to give him some time to adjust." Gideon added.

"I know." I still can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen if we don't deal with this.

**A/N: Please review!**


	14. The Road Ahead

**A/N**: I know you all just want to kill me for taking so long. All I can do is apologize. I can't really blame it on the glasses again 'cause thankfully Reid doesn't really wear them anymore (which I am eternally grateful for), but I can blame the creators of Criminal Minds for turning him into a junkie... which I am seriously not happy about. Besides that, the two-parter was awesome!! Okay, enough from me... on with the story!

**Fate **

**Chapter 13: The Road Ahead **

The clothes were too big. Either that, or Reid had lost more weight than I had thought. The wardrobe didn't consist of a sweater vest or a button up, but he looked comfortable. And young. He looked so young, sitting sideways on the hospital bed with his legs dangling over the edge.

The father I had recently become was flaring up in full force now. It was an odd experience. I wanted to do all I could to comfort the young man, but that would be embarrassing for both of us if it went too far. I wasn't his father figure and I know he wouldn't want to be coddled. I couldn't be too caring if he was ever going to be comfortable working for me again. That's if he ever did want to work for me again. But that's one thing I don't have to worry about right now.

We stood around in silence, waiting for the doctor to come in and tell us we could get Reid out of here. I wanted to get him home, back to Quantico, but the motel room would have to be good enough.

Morgan eased himself up onto the bed next to Reid and I wish I hadn't seen the way the younger man's shoulders tightened at his space being invaded.

God, we have such a long road ahead of us.

The doctor walked in with a roll of gauze, a small stack of papers, and a smile. He rolled the small bedside table in front of Reid and placed the papers and gauze down on top of it. "You about ready to get out of here, Spencer?"

I couldn't get over how strange it was to hear him called Spencer. I was used to 'Spence' from J.J., but 'Spencer' was foreign to me. It made him sound like a kid. He may look like one, but he's probably the most mature person I know. The name just doesn't do him justice.

Reid nodded and the doctor continued to smile paternally. He motioned for Reid's arm, "Could you put that up on the table."

Reid tentatively rested his right arm on the tabletop and curiously watched the doctor.

The older man put on a pair of gloves and started to gently wrap the gauze around Reid's bruised and raw wrist. "I'll give you some more of this. I want you to keep your wrist wrapped up for a few days. It'll help keep it clean and stop it from scarring much more." He turned to look at me, "Someone will need to change it for him every day."

I nodded.

Next, the doctor walked Reid through the discharge papers and then explained how to care for his casted arm and ribs. He briefly mentioned the nutrition guide the nurse had spoken about. He had the written instructions just in case we forgot something, and handed them to me, along with the extra gauze and ace bandages for Reid's ribs. Last came the prescription pain medicine that we would get filled on the way back to the hotel.

"You got all that?" The doctor asked me as a nurse with a wheelchair came into the room.

"Yeah. Thank you for your help, doctor." I replied, shaking his hand. Gideon nodded in agreement and shook his hand as well.

The doctor smiled and turned back to Reid, pushing the table out of the younger man's way, "Okay, Spencer. Looks like your ride's here."

Reid looked at the wheelchair for a moment, then said, "Oh, I don't need that-"

"Hospital rules, Spencer. Sorry."

Reid sighed, but carefully got to his feet and moved to sit in the wheelchair.

"I got him." Morgan told the nurse before she had the chance to start pushing Reid into the hallway. I watched Morgan squeeze Reid's shoulder gently before making his way out of the room. Gideon followed, but I was held back by the doctor's hand on my arm.

At my questioning look he said, "I asked Spencer if he wanted to see a psychiatrist before he left, but he refused. In my opinion it would be in everyone's best interest if you convinced him to see one. Don't just ignore this."

"I won't. We'll take care of him. Thank you, again."

He nodded, "You're welcome."

The long road ahead of us is beginning to look unpaved and bumpy. I'm just waiting for the car to break down.

**A/N: Review Please! **


	15. Nighttime Realizations

**A/N: I'm not dead! Surprise!**

**P.S. Has not been beta'd yet.**

**Fate**

**Chapter 14: Night-time Realizations **

I woke with a start, not knowing exactly what it was that had pulled me from my sleep. I laid there in the dark, just listening. That's when I heard it. That sound. It was a sound I had heard way too many times. It was Reid. The whimpers I'd heard on the video Sibly made had traveled with him into his nightmares.

I was about to get up, intending to gently shake him from the dream. Before I could get out of bed he jerked awake with a startled gasp. In the dim light that came from the moon, I could see him clawing at the bandage around his wrist.

I scrambled ungracefully to his bed and grabbed his forearms, pulling them away from his chest and closer to me. He let out a soft sob and tried to scoot back, but I held on. "Reid!"

My voice didn't register and he kept struggling.

"Reid!" I said again. With my hold on his arms I pulled him closer. "It's Hotch. Look at me. Hey, look at me."

Finally he seemed to notice me, his jerky movements coming to a halt. He dropped his chin down to rest on his heaving chest.

I sat there quietly, watching him slowly regain his composure. I wanted to hug him, but I was afraid that would only make it worse. He hadn't experienced many comforting touches over the last year, and I can imagine that right after his nightmare he wouldn't want any kind of touch. I settled with tightening my hold on his forearms, grasping them right under the elbow.

Sitting here in the dark, I was struck by how clear my senses were. The only things that mattered were the sounds of Reid's hitched breathing, the way my fingers overlapped the rough cast, and the way the moonlight reflected off of his dyed hair. Everything was just so heart-breaking in its clarity.

And just like that, the moment was over. Reid pulled away, breaking the connection and leaving me to wonder if it was real, or just the hallucinations of an overly tired and worried mind.

Neither of us moved nor spoke as Reid's breathing evened out and I became more awake. After a few minutes I reached over and switched on the lamp that sat between our beds. I allowed our eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness before gesturing to his wrist and saying, "Let me see that."

For a moment he stared at me as if he didn't understand, but he quickly glanced down at the ripped bandage and then held his arm out to me. I removed the rest of the bandage to make sure he hadn't done any more damage. The abrasions were ugly, but didn't seem any worse. I retrieved a clean bandage and loosely wrapped up his wrist again.

We sat in silence again. I didn't know what to say and it was killing me. We'd had this problem when he first joined the team. He was intimidated by me and I didn't know what the hell to think of the strange young man. It was frustrating then too, but in a whole different way. Finally he broke the silence, and in doing so rescued my tongue from the cat.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." he whispered.

"It's no problem." It came out cool and collected... I was anything but. "Do you want to talk about it?" It's what everyone asks after they've seen someone have a bad dream. And there's always only one reply.

"No."

And now we're back where we started. I could kick myself for not knowing what to do for him. Earlier, Gideon, Morgan, and I had decided that he would stay with me when we got back to Virginia. I would be the one dealing with his problems, most likely by myself. I was doing a lousy job so far.

With a sigh I said, "I'll let you get back to sleep. Let me know if you need anything." We were both tired and I wasn't going to force anything out of him.

I waited for his nod before getting back into my own bed and turning the light off. For the rest of the night I lay in bed and thought about the future.

I had retreated from this battle, but I will not lose the war.

**Review please!**


	16. One Last Thing

**A/N: I think everyone who stuck with it and sent me all those reviews to keep writing deserve another chapter. **

**P.S. Has not been beta'd yet.**

**Fate**

**Chapter 15: One Last Thing**

Sheriff Pryce had asked that we bring Reid in to make a statement. After that we were free to take him back to Quantico. He would have to come back for the trial, but that would be months away. Now we just wanted to get him home and get him on the road to recovery. We just had to get him through that interview.

I knew he was nervous. He had to relay his horror story to a complete stranger. I wouldn't even know where to start if I was in his shoes. How could he make anyone understand what had happened?

He had to face this regardless of how hard it would be, so I tried to coax a good breakfast into him before sending him off with a good luck and a promise that we'd leave right after he got back. He wrapped his arms around his middle while following Gideon through the door. Morgan and I watched, both hoping that he would be ok.

After they left we began packing our stuff up so we would be ready to go. That only took a fraction of the time that we knew they would be gone. We were feeling just a little cooped up in the hotel rooms so we walked to the nearest coffee shop. We walked, ordered our coffee and found a table in silence. I would have preferred some mindless chatting rather than my own thoughts. Or at least I would have until Morgan opened his mouth.

"What happened last night?"

I thought about the question for a moment, not wanting to expose Reid's nightmare. "What do you mean?" I asked slowly, gauging his reaction.

Now it was his turn to watch and wait. He sighed, knowing that I wasn't offering anything up for free, "I heard you guys last night."

"So?"

Now he was getting frustrated, "_So... _what happened? You know, I care about him too. I know you and Gideon are keeping something from me. I get that. I can even understand it. I know you've got his best interests in mind, but come on Hotch! I want to help him too. Why won't you let me?"

"It's complicated."

"No. It's really not. I know the last year and a half hasn't been a picnic for him and I've worked this job long enough to know that people can do some bad stuff to each other."

"It's different."

"Yeah, because it's Reid. I'm not that naive, Hotch. I know this isn't going to be pleasant for any of us."

"You know how private he is. I think he deserves whatever control we can give him."

"He can't do this on his own."

"And he doesn't have to. I'll be there. Nobody else needs to know his business, not even you. You're curious, Morgan." He clenched his teeth and looked away, not liking what I was saying. I continued anyway, "You want to know everything because you think it will make it easier for you to help him, but you don't need to have all of the information to do that. Just be there when he needs you."

He let out a loud breath and stared straight in my eyes, "Some people don't walk away from stuff like this."

"I know."

"I don't want that to happen to him."

"We don't have any control over that." It frightened me to say that, but I knew it was true. If Reid didn't want to come away from this, then he wasn't going to, no matter how much we wanted it. "We just have to be there and hope for the best."

He looked away again, but I could see that he was having trouble keeping his emotions in check. I looked down at my drink to give him some privacy. It wasn't real if I didn't see it. He'd just deny it anyway.

After all, Derek Morgan didn't cry.

We had enough time to drink our coffee, walk back, and putter around the rooms before the other two agents returned. Gideon and Reid came back the same way they left; only Reid looked much paler.

"How'd it go?" was the first thing that came to my mind.

Gideon answered with a tight frown and a slight shake of his head.

Reid just ignored the question, "Can... can we go now?" The words were quiet and he sounded tired.

I looked to Gideon. I wanted nothing more than to get him away from this place, but Gideon had implied that the meeting with the sheriff hadn't gone well. I wouldn't risk the case against Sibly by whisking Reid away before all of the loose ends were tied up. It would be better for him to deal with this now instead of letting it drag on.

This time I got a nod from the older man.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here." Reid didn't even look relieved. God, giving that statement must have been hard.

**Review please!**


	17. A Real Home

Wow… think I had a little trouble writing this chapter? I never intended to abandon this, other stuff just got in the way of my writing. All of you who have stuck with this and those of you who have just found it are awesome. It was going back through the reviews that got me serious about this story again. I promise I won't leave you all hanging for that long again.

**Fate**

**Chapter 16: A Real Home**

Even before I had gotten off of the plane I could see who had come to greet us, and I wasn't happy about it at all. There was one too many blond heads in the small group. The last thing Reid needed was her and one of her speeches.

I was the first to step off of the plane, and as Gideon followed behind me he leaned in and whispered, "What's she doing here?"

I just shook my head and made my way to the woman in question. I was wondering the same thing myself. "Director Strauss." I greeted her, extending my hand. She took it and gave me a quick nod before moving on to the man of the hour.

"Agent Reid." Strauss said, reaching her hand out to him just as I had done to her. I heard Gideon clear his throat quietly and it made me smirk. I know how much he wanted to correct her with a 'Doctor Reid'.

Reid barely shook her hand before pulling back to wrap his arms around his middle.

Strauss didn't seem to notice the younger man's anxiety. "I wanted to personally welcome you back and wish you the best in your recovery. If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask. Now, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, thank you."

She was nodding before he had even finished, "That's good. We want you well again. And I want you to know that your position in the bureau is waiting for you when you've recovered."

Reid nodded as his eyes drifted to the ground.

I could have kicked her. Reid coming back to work was not something that I wanted to approach just yet. He needed time. That was my signal to step in, "Director, I'm sorry but it's been a long day and I'd really just like to get him settled."

"Of course. It was good to see you Agent Reid."

We exchanged nods and she left. Then we were all able to breath a sigh of relief. Like this reunion wasn't going to be awkward enough for him. Thankfully the three remaining agents were able to adjust to Reid's appearance without it being horribly obvious to the young man. Morgan had called the girls before we left, telling them to take it easy on him.

As Garcia came closer, I could only hope that they had taken the message to heart.

"How ya doin, dollface?" she asked quietly, a happy but somewhat subdued smile on her face. She had toned everything down for this meeting. I'd like to say I'm impressed, but it just feels like something is missing now. I am impressed, however, by the real smile that her presence has coaxed out of him.

"I'm good, Garcia. You?"

"I'm just peachy." She looked unsure for a moment and then, "Can I hug you?"

I cringed for a moment before I heard his soft laugh, "Yes."

Her arms are around him in a flash, but just tight enough for him to feel her. I can tell that he's uncomfortable, but he goes with it, bringing his arms up around her. She whispered something in his ear and he smiled again before they both pulled away. I know she didn't want to, but she stepped back to give the other two a turn.

J.J. stepped up next, smiling shyly at him. "It's good to have you back, Spence." She said before hugging him.

Reid looked even more uncomfortable and the embrace ended quickly. He tried to offer her a smile, but it didn't fool anyone.

Elle came last. She didn't hug him or speak any words. She just gave him a comforting look and a smile, which I think he appreciated more than Strauss' encouragement or our badly masked concern.

We exchanged pleasantries and updates as we walked to the car. Halfway most of our small group broke off to head back to the office. Reid and I spent the rest of the journey in silence. On the plane we told him that we thought he should stay with me for a while. Haley and Jack were staying with her ill mother so it would just be the two of us. He didn't even try to argue.

The silence continued for a majority of the car ride. I tried to make conversation, but Reid just wasn't interested. What I wouldn't give to hear him ramble on about some statistic. I hate this.

When we arrived I grabbed our bags and slowly headed for the front door. I knew he would need to take his time getting out of the car, and no matter how much I wanted to help, I knew that he wouldn't want me hovering. He'd been the center of attention enough for today.

He had caught up by the time I got the door unlocked and I waited for him to go in ahead of me. The house seemed almost foreign to me. It was cold, big, and empty. I wonder if Reid felt it too.

If he did, he didn't show it. He just looked around for a moment, before turning to me. "Your house is very nice," accompanied a small smile.

"Thank you." I couldn't help but smile too. With all that he went through, he was still trying.

"Let me show you around." I gave him a quick tour of the first floor before taking him to the guest bedroom upstairs. "My room is two doors down and the bathroom is right across the hall." I told him as I sat his bag down on the end of the bed. Morgan and Gideon picked up some more cloths and I've got an extra toothbrush for you. I was thinking we could go get some of your stuff in the morning or whenever you're feeling up to it."

"My stuff?"

"Your cloths and anything else you might want. It's in boxes but we can go through them… Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just going to lay down if that's ok." He said sitting on the bed. He looked pale. I think the gravity of everything that happened had started to catch up with him.

"Go ahead. Do you want anything to eat first?"

Reid shook his head no.

I wish Haley were here. She's much better at pushing food on people. "Well I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

He nodded and I started to leave. I turned back when he called out my name. He looked at me for a moment then said with a small smile, "Thank you."

I returned the look while trying to keep my emotions in check.

"It's good to have you home Spencer."


End file.
